So tonight I took the night off, so I figure it's time to tell you one of my many favorite stories. I don't even know which category this falls into.
It was a very cold Saturday night and I was cruising down by the meat packing district when a young couple hailed me. Nice looking normal couple. When I picked them up they told me to go to the upper-east side to a bar up there by 96th and 2nd. After driving just a few blocks it was easy to figure out that they weren't actually a couple, rather they had just met that night and were having the normal "getting to know you" conversation. Probably just met in the bar I picked them up from. It's not that unusual, really, seeing as that people trust cab drivers in this city. They feel safe being with a stranger because the cabbie is there too and they're headed from one populated place to another. You know you trust yellow cabbies too! If you're drunk as hell and you stumble into a yellow cab you know that somehow he'll get you home safe and sound. You feel that relief as soon as you get into the cab. Anyway, after a few minutes of talking the girl pulls out some hand lotion. It's cold and her hands are obviously important to her. As she's rubbing it into her hands the guy says, "Ohh! That's the new Yves Rocher! Can I see it?"
Now, being the nice cabbie I am, I don't say anything aloud, but wow. Can you say Metrosexual? So she says sure thing and hands it to him. What happens next isn't predictable. If I could have had 17,876 guesses at the next words to come out of his mouth and the following action I would still be light-years off from what happened. He says, and I quote: "Did you know that this kind is edible?" (I've since checked, and no... it's not.) He pops off the top and starts guzzling it down! I mean, like a friggin madman! There is lotion dripping down the side of his lips and onto his chin! He's making this weird sound like a dog eating peanut butter! I almost puked a little just listening to it and the poor girl looked like she was in complete shock. Not like 'wow' shock but I mean actual MEDICAL SHOCK.
After taking a few, eh, gulps I'll say, of hand lotion, he asks me if I can stop by an ATM before we get uptown. No problem dude! I stopped about 2 blocks away at the very first bank I saw. The second he got out of the car the girl says to me, "Please! Please take me home to Queens right now! Leave that guy right there and get the hell out of here! I promise I'll pay you when I get there!" I didn't even have to think about it. It was an immediate HELL YEAH and I was off. Lotion-mouth was stuck at the ATM. I couldn't care less. That dude freaked me out.
The first 2 or 3 minutes after that the girl was in complete silence. I assume she was just happy that I was taking her home. Then she blurts out, "THAT WAS EXPENSIVE HAND LOTION!! Can you BELIEVE that guy DRANK IT??" And we shared a laugh. Thank god. We both needed to laugh to break the weirdness of the situation. Then she called up all of her friends and was telling them the story: "Really! HE ATE IT! I know it's unbelievable but you can ask my cab driver! I had to call you now so he can tell you! Holy. I'm not dating for 5 years. I'm going home. I'M DONE."
It's not necessarily a funny story but to me it is my #1 most unpredictable event that ever occurred in my cab, and there have been some weird events! I can't even put into words how vomit-inducing the sound of gurgling hand lotion is. I want to vomit just remembering it.
I'll be working the next few days so I'll be getting more material to write about! (I want to say hello to my buddy MOCA! who makes driving a yellow cab even more enjoyable since I hardly have a "fleet headache." A pleasure to deal with. спасибо.)
There are 8 million stories in the naked city. This has been one of them.
Wednesday, May 28, 2008
Monday, May 26, 2008
Yellow cabs CAN be gypsy cabs!
For those not familiar with some of New York City's lingo, there are Yellow-cabs and there are gypsy cabs. Gypsy cabs are generally unmarked towncars or crown vics that are usually licenses by TLC to be used as a local car-service or sometimes they are just registered as regular vehicles. They drive around the city and try to pick up people that are hailing yellowcabs. They offer them a flat rate, usually way too high. They have mild success, depending on the neighborhoods they work. But, as it turned out last night, yellowcabs can also be gypsy cabs! Well, that is, if you pick up a pack of gypsies, like I did on Central Park South.
This Memorial Day weekend the city was D-E-A-D. Everyone is out of town and business is very very slow. I decided to go work for a few hours anyway, just to make a few bucks. When business is slow, cabbies are more inclined to travel where they normally wouldn't like to and we "bend" a few rules, like how many people you can put in your cab. It's all based on the laws of supply and demand. When there are 100 people needing my cab, I break ZERO rules and waste no time on anyone because there is another fare waiting. However, when there are no people and 1,000 cabs trolling the city, then sure, 5 people to Queens? No problem. If you can fit then jump in. So here we are, a pack of gypsies asking me to please take them to Queens. Traditional palm-reader types who were not too accurate in figuring anything out about me but they were charming none-the-less. It, for some reason, was the most memorable ride of the night, seeing as how we talked about everything from the Russian Gypsies, god (or the lack thereof), religion, jokes, and even how big the front seat of my cab is (since I have the middle partition). I didn't get my palm read though, that's a shame. I think I should have gotten a complimentary palm reading!
Aside from that, it was a very slow night. I picked up a bunch of local calls with not all that much excitement. I did pick up a few very nice people and gave them my card, but unfortunately the rides were short so I didn't get to talk to them very long. I drove a very nice girl, an audio-engineer, to Brooklyn. She was very fun to talk to and I would have like to drive further to have a longer conversation with her. Too bad. Without the normal city traffic, actually, ALL the rides were too short. But you never know. Maybe they see my blog and decide to continue our conversations! That's the beauty of this site. So many times you meet interesting people and never see them again. Ever. Sometimes that's a good thing. A lot of times that's a good thing. But not always.
I have to mention that toward the end of my shift things were a little weird. I picked up a bunch of 17-18 year old girls looking for a bar that doesn't card, but of course I don't think you can find that in Manhattan any more, and they took the longest possible ride to Penn Station that I've ever seen. Very entertaining bunch though. Then when I decided to go home I was driving to Brooklyn and a girl hailed me. Mind you I already had my off duty light on. I stopped and asked her where she was going. She's says, "Brooklyn." Ok. We're already in Brooklyn you moron. Where exactly. She tells me, and it's not that far away so I let her in. Then she says, "You know, you're like not allowed to ask me that you know." Oh yes I am.
First of all, if I'm off duty I'm allowed to take people only in the direction I'm going in. (Taxi and Limousine Commission, driver rules, "§2-53 Accepting Passengers While Off-Duty: A driver who has illuminated the "Off Duty" light may not...accept a passenger unless that driver is returning the taxicab to his or her garage or home... and the passenger's destination is directly en route thereto..." (Source: http://www.nyc.gov/html/tlc/downloads/pdf/drivrules.pdf)
Second of all. Screw you. I'll ask you if I feel like it. Anyway, I tell her that I can do whatever I want. She doesn't like my answer at all. LOL. We go one block and she says that I need a different career and she doesn't want to ride with me. "Yup. That's about right. Just get out of the fucking car then." She irritated me from the second she got in my car and I have no idea why. She was just an unacceptable human. I hate ending my shift like that but then Metallica came on the radio so I pumped it up, opened the windows, locked the doors and enjoyed the ride home. Halfway there was a nice family needing a ride a few blocks, so I picked them up, had a nice chat and got a nice tip. Now that's how I like to end a shift. Happy people and some Metallica. I think I'll take tomorrow off and hope the city is busier this week.
This Memorial Day weekend the city was D-E-A-D. Everyone is out of town and business is very very slow. I decided to go work for a few hours anyway, just to make a few bucks. When business is slow, cabbies are more inclined to travel where they normally wouldn't like to and we "bend" a few rules, like how many people you can put in your cab. It's all based on the laws of supply and demand. When there are 100 people needing my cab, I break ZERO rules and waste no time on anyone because there is another fare waiting. However, when there are no people and 1,000 cabs trolling the city, then sure, 5 people to Queens? No problem. If you can fit then jump in. So here we are, a pack of gypsies asking me to please take them to Queens. Traditional palm-reader types who were not too accurate in figuring anything out about me but they were charming none-the-less. It, for some reason, was the most memorable ride of the night, seeing as how we talked about everything from the Russian Gypsies, god (or the lack thereof), religion, jokes, and even how big the front seat of my cab is (since I have the middle partition). I didn't get my palm read though, that's a shame. I think I should have gotten a complimentary palm reading!
Aside from that, it was a very slow night. I picked up a bunch of local calls with not all that much excitement. I did pick up a few very nice people and gave them my card, but unfortunately the rides were short so I didn't get to talk to them very long. I drove a very nice girl, an audio-engineer, to Brooklyn. She was very fun to talk to and I would have like to drive further to have a longer conversation with her. Too bad. Without the normal city traffic, actually, ALL the rides were too short. But you never know. Maybe they see my blog and decide to continue our conversations! That's the beauty of this site. So many times you meet interesting people and never see them again. Ever. Sometimes that's a good thing. A lot of times that's a good thing. But not always.
I have to mention that toward the end of my shift things were a little weird. I picked up a bunch of 17-18 year old girls looking for a bar that doesn't card, but of course I don't think you can find that in Manhattan any more, and they took the longest possible ride to Penn Station that I've ever seen. Very entertaining bunch though. Then when I decided to go home I was driving to Brooklyn and a girl hailed me. Mind you I already had my off duty light on. I stopped and asked her where she was going. She's says, "Brooklyn." Ok. We're already in Brooklyn you moron. Where exactly. She tells me, and it's not that far away so I let her in. Then she says, "You know, you're like not allowed to ask me that you know." Oh yes I am.
First of all, if I'm off duty I'm allowed to take people only in the direction I'm going in. (Taxi and Limousine Commission, driver rules, "§2-53 Accepting Passengers While Off-Duty: A driver who has illuminated the "Off Duty" light may not...accept a passenger unless that driver is returning the taxicab to his or her garage or home... and the passenger's destination is directly en route thereto..." (Source: http://www.nyc.gov/html/tlc/downloads/pdf/drivrules.pdf)
Second of all. Screw you. I'll ask you if I feel like it. Anyway, I tell her that I can do whatever I want. She doesn't like my answer at all. LOL. We go one block and she says that I need a different career and she doesn't want to ride with me. "Yup. That's about right. Just get out of the fucking car then." She irritated me from the second she got in my car and I have no idea why. She was just an unacceptable human. I hate ending my shift like that but then Metallica came on the radio so I pumped it up, opened the windows, locked the doors and enjoyed the ride home. Halfway there was a nice family needing a ride a few blocks, so I picked them up, had a nice chat and got a nice tip. Now that's how I like to end a shift. Happy people and some Metallica. I think I'll take tomorrow off and hope the city is busier this week.
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
A Jewish Whorehouse
Hey guys, sorry for the few days of lag there, I was pretty busy this weekend and I didn't have the chance to sit down and write. I hate when that happens and I have to allot more time to this. I had a pretty interesting weekend. The rain in NY has been pretty much non-stop for the last, well, it feels like one million days. It'll never be dry again. Ever. By the time the puddles in this city are dry it'll be snowing. That will, of course, just make frozen puddles for small dogs and old people to slip on. Anyway, one story sticks out more than all the other ones this weekend so I'll have to tell it. There are some others which I'll probably write about tomorrow since I'm off, so stay tuned!
Throughout my travels I found myself in Williamsburg. The new SOHO, or so it seems. All the yuppies or rather, the children of yuppies, I don't know what you call them, let's just call them lazy emo schmucks, want to hang out because they are in BROOKLYN and therefore part of some sort of new group of people that break the bonds of Manhattan. Yeah. Like 3 million people did that for the last hundred years but whatever. Anyway, I pick up these 2 guys, about 25-ish, from some no-name bar and they want to go to Manhattan to meet their friend. However, they have a few problems. One, they have never been to NYC before. That is a problem in-and-of-itself. Two, they call their friend on his cell to ask him where he is but they can't hear him because of the extremely loud background noise coming from wherever this friend is. Three, their friends cellphone dies and they have no other way to contact him or know where to meet him again. The good news though was that before the phone died, my passenger THINKS he heard his friend say to meet him in the Jewish Whorehouse.
So naturally, the guy tells me the story and asks me if there are any Jewish whorehouses in NYC. Interesting question actually. I don't think there are! If there are I bet they keep them a damn good secret. My passengers are begging me to find this whorehouse and they'll tip me a lot of money if I find their friend.
So as I get across the Williamsburg bridge, our conversation turned from trying to find their friend to the theory of highly secret Jewish whorehouses and what services they might provide. How would they differ from the Chinese ones? Wouldn't the laundromat be curious about the sheets? Children dressing up like ghosts and those are eye-holes! I'm sure we could have explored this subject more, but I tell them to get back to the task at hand: trying to find this rogue Indiana dude who's only clue was the whorehouse. I determine that with the noise in the background and by the likes of the two in my cab that he's most probably in a bar. That's nice. There are about 17 billion bars in NYC. When I got to the Bowery it just clicked. I don't know how but it did. The Village Pour House! YES! This HAS to be it! It's a loud bar that would attract the likes of a drunk Indiana tourist and sounds somewhat like Jewish Whorehouse, given the cell phone quality, drunken state of the person speaking and the Indiana accent! I pulled up outside of it and told one of the guys to run inside to make sure. Voila! They found their friend on the first shot! They thanked me profusely and actually did give me quite a large tip, true to their word. About 200% to be precise. They were pretty funny and harmless guys so I'm very glad that I was able to help them out. However, I will never ever pass by the Village Pour House again without thinking about Jewish whores (not implying there are any, but the thought is interesting) and these drunken Indiana-guys. (I'm not anti-Semitic, it just happens that they said Jewish, so the conversation turned that way. If you're still offended, suck it up, because I don't care. Get a sense of humor.)
There are 8 million stories in the naked city. This has been one of them.
Throughout my travels I found myself in Williamsburg. The new SOHO, or so it seems. All the yuppies or rather, the children of yuppies, I don't know what you call them, let's just call them lazy emo schmucks, want to hang out because they are in BROOKLYN and therefore part of some sort of new group of people that break the bonds of Manhattan. Yeah. Like 3 million people did that for the last hundred years but whatever. Anyway, I pick up these 2 guys, about 25-ish, from some no-name bar and they want to go to Manhattan to meet their friend. However, they have a few problems. One, they have never been to NYC before. That is a problem in-and-of-itself. Two, they call their friend on his cell to ask him where he is but they can't hear him because of the extremely loud background noise coming from wherever this friend is. Three, their friends cellphone dies and they have no other way to contact him or know where to meet him again. The good news though was that before the phone died, my passenger THINKS he heard his friend say to meet him in the Jewish Whorehouse.
So naturally, the guy tells me the story and asks me if there are any Jewish whorehouses in NYC. Interesting question actually. I don't think there are! If there are I bet they keep them a damn good secret. My passengers are begging me to find this whorehouse and they'll tip me a lot of money if I find their friend.
So as I get across the Williamsburg bridge, our conversation turned from trying to find their friend to the theory of highly secret Jewish whorehouses and what services they might provide. How would they differ from the Chinese ones? Wouldn't the laundromat be curious about the sheets? Children dressing up like ghosts and those are eye-holes! I'm sure we could have explored this subject more, but I tell them to get back to the task at hand: trying to find this rogue Indiana dude who's only clue was the whorehouse. I determine that with the noise in the background and by the likes of the two in my cab that he's most probably in a bar. That's nice. There are about 17 billion bars in NYC. When I got to the Bowery it just clicked. I don't know how but it did. The Village Pour House! YES! This HAS to be it! It's a loud bar that would attract the likes of a drunk Indiana tourist and sounds somewhat like Jewish Whorehouse, given the cell phone quality, drunken state of the person speaking and the Indiana accent! I pulled up outside of it and told one of the guys to run inside to make sure. Voila! They found their friend on the first shot! They thanked me profusely and actually did give me quite a large tip, true to their word. About 200% to be precise. They were pretty funny and harmless guys so I'm very glad that I was able to help them out. However, I will never ever pass by the Village Pour House again without thinking about Jewish whores (not implying there are any, but the thought is interesting) and these drunken Indiana-guys. (I'm not anti-Semitic, it just happens that they said Jewish, so the conversation turned that way. If you're still offended, suck it up, because I don't care. Get a sense of humor.)
There are 8 million stories in the naked city. This has been one of them.
Thursday, May 15, 2008
Cabbie fined for cursing
It's another night off and I was about to write a story of another past ride but then I came across this story from the AP. A cabbie was fined for cursing! Here is the story, followed by my thoughts:
NEW YORK - The days of the cursing cabbie may be over. A New York City cab driver has been fined $1,000 for launching a foul-mouthed tirade at another cabbie.
The confrontation occurred Oct. 8, 2007, on the West Side of Manhattan when neither driver had a passenger.
Driver Malik Rizwan honked at fellow cabbie Zbigniew Sobczak after Sobszak cut him off, prompting Sobszak to jump out of his cab and use a vulgarity repeatedly.
Rizwan called the police and accused Sobczak of assault.
A city administrative law judge found Sobczak guilty of verbal harassment, not assault, and recommended a $350 fine.
But Taxi and Limousine Commission Chairman Matthew Daus, in a ruling last Friday, increased the penalty to $1,000 and a 30-day suspension.
There was a time when cab drivers were given more leeway with language.
A 1982 legal decision in a case called TLC vs. Baudin found that a "driver's use of profanity during a fight with a pedestrian was not misconduct given cognizance to the realities of life in New York City."
But Daus, in a letter to Sobczak, said, "To the extent that decisions issued before my tenure, such as TLC vs. Baudin, may be read to overrule the penalty of license revocation for verbal harassment or abuse, I would override those decisions."
"The city has changed over the years," Daus said in an interview Wednesday. "It's become more civil. ... The days when drivers can curse at each other are over in my opinion."
Sobczak's lawyer, Cynthia Fischer, told the New York Post that Daus' decision was unduly harsh.
"You're asking cabbies to be inhuman and not react to ... things any one of us would react to," she said.
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As a NYC Cabbie, I feel that if you cut me off, you can blow me you fucking fuck. So fuck you and fucking fine me if you fucking want to. Fuck off.
Ahhhhhh. I feel so much better. I do apologize for that, since I rarely use bad language on this blog seeing as I want to come across as intelligent and mature. But c'mon. When I'm in the cab, as some of you well know, you have to be a cabbie. Wouldn't you rather me curse you out in English than in some foreign tongue? You can put a green apple sticker on my cab. You can say that New York City isn't the same as it used to be. But to say that a NY Cabbie can't say fuck you? Well, fuck you.Thanks for reading! See you tomorrow!
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
Do you accept American Currency?
My Monday night shift is over. I know it's only 2AM but the city was pretty dead so I called it a night. The night, however, was once again not without plenty of entertainment.
I went to the city to pick up my cab today, by Broadway and LaFayette, and while I was waiting for the day driver to show up a guy was asking cabs if they'd go to LaGuardia Airport. Poor guy was having no luck because it was the shift change and the guys who worked all day had to hand off their cars, and the guys starting at night didn't want to get stuck in traffic for their first call. They'd rather work the streets in the city to make more money. I talked to him and said that if he waited for my car to show up, I'd take him. Nice guy, friendly to talk to. My favorite kind of customer. He waited with me for about 5 minutes until my car pulled up, we got in and headed to the airport. He was only in the city one day and was headed back to Atlanta. I bet next time he grabs a cab earlier than 5PM :)
After I dropped him off, I picked up a fare in LaGuardia that was going back to Broadway and 26th. A young couple from Alabama. Very very thick accents. Neither of them had ever been to a city before. Not just New York City but ANY city. When I came out of the tunnel and they saw midtown they were completely speechless. Motionless AND speechless. The look on their faces was priceless. When I got to their hotel and turned off the meter it was $29.20 with the toll. The guy counted out $30 and then, get this, asks me,"Do you accept American currency?"
Yes. He asked me if I accepted American. That was a first for me. Leave it to the country guy from Alabama! I should have said,"Yes, but the currency rate is doubled here" but I felt bad for the guy.
Right after that I picked up a guy lugging around window shades. He just bought them from the Home Depot and had a part of them hanging out of my back window. Another first for me. Never drove around with someones window shades hanging out of the window. It only hung out a few inches but they were hanging out nonetheless. Nice guy. He didn't get them custom cut to his window size. I hope they fit or else that's 2 more window-shade cab rides!
I picked up a nice girl from the Waldorf, which was having a benefit. She works, or I should say volunteers, at Project Sunshine. They, and she, volunteer time with sick children. You can navigate that last link if you want to learn more about them and volunteer and/or donate. I never post advertisements, but this is an organization you may be interested in.
Later on in the night, when people had some more drinks in them, I picked up a carload of girls from LA. There was one voice of reason sitting in the front, with a bunch of voices of anything but reason in the back. They apparently had a brand new Blackberry and had no clue how to use it. One of the girls was talking to some guy named "Rodge" and the whole time was trying to get speakerphone to work and had the poor guy waiting on the line while she and her friends tried to figure it out. At one point, I can't be sure, but I think they felt that if they said "speaker" enough the phone would just automatically go to speaker. Eventually they handed it off the the calm and collected girl in the front who figured it out in about 1.3 seconds. Fun ride though!
With the city being dead I headed home at about 1AM and of course there was construction on the BQE, so I veered off and took the streets home. On one of those streets two guys saw me and threw their hands up. I only saw them at the last second and I was moving pretty quick, so I slammed the brakes and did a little slide-stop a little in front of them. Some people wouldn't get in the cab after that, but these guys were like AWESOME! You're my kind of cab driver! Now that's the best way to end a shift. With 2 guys from Brooklyn applauding your maniac way of driving. Good night fellas, thanks for the last trip of the night.
I went to the city to pick up my cab today, by Broadway and LaFayette, and while I was waiting for the day driver to show up a guy was asking cabs if they'd go to LaGuardia Airport. Poor guy was having no luck because it was the shift change and the guys who worked all day had to hand off their cars, and the guys starting at night didn't want to get stuck in traffic for their first call. They'd rather work the streets in the city to make more money. I talked to him and said that if he waited for my car to show up, I'd take him. Nice guy, friendly to talk to. My favorite kind of customer. He waited with me for about 5 minutes until my car pulled up, we got in and headed to the airport. He was only in the city one day and was headed back to Atlanta. I bet next time he grabs a cab earlier than 5PM :)
After I dropped him off, I picked up a fare in LaGuardia that was going back to Broadway and 26th. A young couple from Alabama. Very very thick accents. Neither of them had ever been to a city before. Not just New York City but ANY city. When I came out of the tunnel and they saw midtown they were completely speechless. Motionless AND speechless. The look on their faces was priceless. When I got to their hotel and turned off the meter it was $29.20 with the toll. The guy counted out $30 and then, get this, asks me,"Do you accept American currency?"
Yes. He asked me if I accepted American. That was a first for me. Leave it to the country guy from Alabama! I should have said,"Yes, but the currency rate is doubled here" but I felt bad for the guy.
Right after that I picked up a guy lugging around window shades. He just bought them from the Home Depot and had a part of them hanging out of my back window. Another first for me. Never drove around with someones window shades hanging out of the window. It only hung out a few inches but they were hanging out nonetheless. Nice guy. He didn't get them custom cut to his window size. I hope they fit or else that's 2 more window-shade cab rides!
I picked up a nice girl from the Waldorf, which was having a benefit. She works, or I should say volunteers, at Project Sunshine. They, and she, volunteer time with sick children. You can navigate that last link if you want to learn more about them and volunteer and/or donate. I never post advertisements, but this is an organization you may be interested in.
Later on in the night, when people had some more drinks in them, I picked up a carload of girls from LA. There was one voice of reason sitting in the front, with a bunch of voices of anything but reason in the back. They apparently had a brand new Blackberry and had no clue how to use it. One of the girls was talking to some guy named "Rodge" and the whole time was trying to get speakerphone to work and had the poor guy waiting on the line while she and her friends tried to figure it out. At one point, I can't be sure, but I think they felt that if they said "speaker" enough the phone would just automatically go to speaker. Eventually they handed it off the the calm and collected girl in the front who figured it out in about 1.3 seconds. Fun ride though!
With the city being dead I headed home at about 1AM and of course there was construction on the BQE, so I veered off and took the streets home. On one of those streets two guys saw me and threw their hands up. I only saw them at the last second and I was moving pretty quick, so I slammed the brakes and did a little slide-stop a little in front of them. Some people wouldn't get in the cab after that, but these guys were like AWESOME! You're my kind of cab driver! Now that's the best way to end a shift. With 2 guys from Brooklyn applauding your maniac way of driving. Good night fellas, thanks for the last trip of the night.
Sunday, May 11, 2008
A Dry Saturday Night
Well, at least it didn't rain. After the monsoon we had yesterday I was afraid we would get some more today. I had a pretty fun night tonight. Nothing spectacular, nothing overly weird, but fun.
Well, one of the first customers I got was a 20ish chinese guy, who I picked up from downtown and wanted to go to the Upper-West. He asked if I could get there quick because he was late for an appointment, but also kept asking me to drive slower because he was afraid. He didn't seem to comprehend that you can only have one or the other. Faster, or slower, not both. So that was irritating but everything else was pretty smooth.
I drove a movie producer. I learned that not all producers are actually rich because they are producers-for-hire, but it's still cool because he produced some films that I've seen and/or heard of. Which ones, I won't say here due to privacy issues. But I'm willing to bet you've seen and/or heard of them too. I gave him my blog address so I hope to see you on my subscription list Mr. Producer!
I got lucky in the middle of the night, because as I was dropping off a lady at Port Authority, a girl was waiting there to go to Brooklyn, and you know you can't really refuse a customer in front of a TLC cop. (Taxi and Limousine Commission cop, for those who don't know.) She was nice though, from Austria and headed to a club in Brooklyn, and it was her first time in Brooklyn! I got lucky because when I dropped her off a guy jumped right in my car and wanted to go back to Alphabet City. You can't ask for better than that!
But the most fun ride of the night by far was an Irishman, his girlfriend and her friend. Irishmen are fun no matter what, and the 2 girls were quite entertaining. They told me a joke which I better not put here, but it was one of the funniest new jokes I've heard in a long time. We shared some more jokes, tried to get the girls to flash us (no luck there), and made fun of a few passers-by. If all my rides were like this one I'd never go home. I'd just be working 24/7. Thanks for the ride guys!
I stopped for lunch at Pizza 33 and had an amazing slice of BBQ chicken pizza. If you're in the area I highly suggest it!
I guess that's really all I got worthy of writing about tonight's fares. Remember Mothers Day! And to any mothers who may be reading this, Happy Mothers Day! If I see any women with children less than 5 years old tonight, the ride is half price. If the meter is less than $6 then it's free. That's a promise.
Well, one of the first customers I got was a 20ish chinese guy, who I picked up from downtown and wanted to go to the Upper-West. He asked if I could get there quick because he was late for an appointment, but also kept asking me to drive slower because he was afraid. He didn't seem to comprehend that you can only have one or the other. Faster, or slower, not both. So that was irritating but everything else was pretty smooth.
I drove a movie producer. I learned that not all producers are actually rich because they are producers-for-hire, but it's still cool because he produced some films that I've seen and/or heard of. Which ones, I won't say here due to privacy issues. But I'm willing to bet you've seen and/or heard of them too. I gave him my blog address so I hope to see you on my subscription list Mr. Producer!
I got lucky in the middle of the night, because as I was dropping off a lady at Port Authority, a girl was waiting there to go to Brooklyn, and you know you can't really refuse a customer in front of a TLC cop. (Taxi and Limousine Commission cop, for those who don't know.) She was nice though, from Austria and headed to a club in Brooklyn, and it was her first time in Brooklyn! I got lucky because when I dropped her off a guy jumped right in my car and wanted to go back to Alphabet City. You can't ask for better than that!
But the most fun ride of the night by far was an Irishman, his girlfriend and her friend. Irishmen are fun no matter what, and the 2 girls were quite entertaining. They told me a joke which I better not put here, but it was one of the funniest new jokes I've heard in a long time. We shared some more jokes, tried to get the girls to flash us (no luck there), and made fun of a few passers-by. If all my rides were like this one I'd never go home. I'd just be working 24/7. Thanks for the ride guys!
I stopped for lunch at Pizza 33 and had an amazing slice of BBQ chicken pizza. If you're in the area I highly suggest it!
I guess that's really all I got worthy of writing about tonight's fares. Remember Mothers Day! And to any mothers who may be reading this, Happy Mothers Day! If I see any women with children less than 5 years old tonight, the ride is half price. If the meter is less than $6 then it's free. That's a promise.
Saturday, May 10, 2008
Rain, rain, go away!
So today I decided to take the night off. It was raining pretty hard and I hate rain. I hate the lights that reflect off of the wet streets. I hate how all the people on the road collectively forget how to drive. I hate the sound that the windshield wipers make. I hate keeping my windows closed all night and constantly battling a fogging up windshield. It's not worth the money. Not even for a busy Friday night. They can keep it, I'll stay home and dry.
Since I've driven for a few years without a blog and since I do take some nights off, I figure that whenever I'm off I'll update my blog with a past story. Eventually I'll catch up, even if it takes a few years! :)
So about 2 years ago, I picked up a Hasidic Jew in Boro Park who wanted to go to Williamsburg. No problem, hop in. After I get a few blocks, this guy, who is about 17 or so, just blurts out this question: "Do you mind if I masturbate?" So, being shocked and all, I say, "What? What do you mean? Like, in general? Sure dude. Do whatever it is you do." He says, "No. I mean now."
Now this is interesting. I've seen and heard some things in my cab, but this one actually took me by surprise. You can only imagine. "Why do you want to jerk off in my cab? What the hell?"
So he explains to me that it's against his religion and that if he got caught it's a mess of problems for him, so they have to find other places to take care of business. I ask him if he has a bathroom in his house. I mean, c'mon. He says that it isn't worth the risk, and that there's no privacy because of how many people are in his house, etc.
So what can I do? How should I handle this one? I say, "You wanna jerk off in my cab? One hundred bucks on top of the meter." I figure what the hell. A hundred bucks is a hundred bucks, and I have a partition to close. He says, "No. How about $50?"
So he has reached the point in his life where he is bargaining with a cab driver the price of him being able to masturbate. Are you kidding me? In a way I felt bad for this kid. "No. 100 bucks or keep your hands where I can see them!"
He agreed, and took no enjoyment in, well, of himself. I did feel a little bad for the guy. I started giving him some ideas. Like, how about in the shower dude! Or, how about in the bathroom of a McDonalds! It actually seemed like these were new ideas to him. How do you get to the thought of the back of a cab while not exploring other private places? He wanted to bargain for $50 when you can get an hourly motel cheaper! Maybe he just liked me? Nah. That can't be it. If you've been in my cab you'd see that I'm no poster child for masturbating too. Now there's a sentence I never thought I'd write!
Well, that is one of my past stories that I felt the need to share. Hopefully you enjoyed it. If you're anything like me you'll feel a mixture of humor, sadness and shock all in one.
Why would you even ask? Okay, I'm not exploring that any further. It's still raining outside, but tomorrow's supposed to be cloudy but dry. Dry is good. I'll work just a little harder to make up for taking tonight off, and being a Saturday night, I'm sure I can get some more material! See ya tomorrow.
Since I've driven for a few years without a blog and since I do take some nights off, I figure that whenever I'm off I'll update my blog with a past story. Eventually I'll catch up, even if it takes a few years! :)
So about 2 years ago, I picked up a Hasidic Jew in Boro Park who wanted to go to Williamsburg. No problem, hop in. After I get a few blocks, this guy, who is about 17 or so, just blurts out this question: "Do you mind if I masturbate?" So, being shocked and all, I say, "What? What do you mean? Like, in general? Sure dude. Do whatever it is you do." He says, "No. I mean now."
Now this is interesting. I've seen and heard some things in my cab, but this one actually took me by surprise. You can only imagine. "Why do you want to jerk off in my cab? What the hell?"
So he explains to me that it's against his religion and that if he got caught it's a mess of problems for him, so they have to find other places to take care of business. I ask him if he has a bathroom in his house. I mean, c'mon. He says that it isn't worth the risk, and that there's no privacy because of how many people are in his house, etc.
So what can I do? How should I handle this one? I say, "You wanna jerk off in my cab? One hundred bucks on top of the meter." I figure what the hell. A hundred bucks is a hundred bucks, and I have a partition to close. He says, "No. How about $50?"
So he has reached the point in his life where he is bargaining with a cab driver the price of him being able to masturbate. Are you kidding me? In a way I felt bad for this kid. "No. 100 bucks or keep your hands where I can see them!"
He agreed, and took no enjoyment in, well, of himself. I did feel a little bad for the guy. I started giving him some ideas. Like, how about in the shower dude! Or, how about in the bathroom of a McDonalds! It actually seemed like these were new ideas to him. How do you get to the thought of the back of a cab while not exploring other private places? He wanted to bargain for $50 when you can get an hourly motel cheaper! Maybe he just liked me? Nah. That can't be it. If you've been in my cab you'd see that I'm no poster child for masturbating too. Now there's a sentence I never thought I'd write!
Well, that is one of my past stories that I felt the need to share. Hopefully you enjoyed it. If you're anything like me you'll feel a mixture of humor, sadness and shock all in one.
Why would you even ask? Okay, I'm not exploring that any further. It's still raining outside, but tomorrow's supposed to be cloudy but dry. Dry is good. I'll work just a little harder to make up for taking tonight off, and being a Saturday night, I'm sure I can get some more material! See ya tomorrow.
Friday, May 9, 2008
Business as usual
So after taking Wednesday night off, I'm back on Thursday to make some cash. It rained briefly, but it held off for the rest of the night, which was great because it was supposed to rain the whole night. I hate driving in the rain.
The traffic was brutal from 5pm-7pm. I was about to just go home. Luckily though, I had some great customers that were fun to talk to and got me over the hump. I picked up this nice girl who had to go home to a new apartment on 8th ave, in the 40's. She had scheduled the cable guy to come out to hook up her new service and was running late getting there. To make her day more stressful, the street I took crosstown, which is usually a good-luck street for me, was brutally bad luck and took a long time to get across. I felt bad, but when we got to her place, the cable guy was outside and they met up immediately. Things like that make me feel better about coming to work, because it's possible that another cab wouldn't have been there to pick her up.
Later on in the night, I was being flagged down by this lady who changed her mind when I pulled up, apparently disliking my SUV-cab. So screw her. I picked up a guy directly across the street going to Washington Square Park, who was about my age and was a great ride. We made fun of some things, talked about this blog, and before you know it, he was already there.
My funniest moment of the night, however, was when I picked up a Chinese guy (in an Italian suit) on Park Ave. He had a piece of paper with the address he was going to that he gave me. I nodded and started to drive. Now, if you've ever been in my cab, you know I always try to start a conversation, and then see if you are interested in talking or not. Well, I said, "How's your day?" Nothing. So I looked at him and said, "English?" he said, and I quote, "HELLO KITTY!" I said, "What?" and he opened his bag and pulled out his kids (I assume) school folder with the Hello Kitty cartoon on it. He pointed at it and in a fun way said again, "HELLO! KITTY!" and we laughed. Apparently that's the only English he knows. 2 words. And yet we still laughed. Nice guy. Too bad he'll never see this blog.
The traffic was brutal from 5pm-7pm. I was about to just go home. Luckily though, I had some great customers that were fun to talk to and got me over the hump. I picked up this nice girl who had to go home to a new apartment on 8th ave, in the 40's. She had scheduled the cable guy to come out to hook up her new service and was running late getting there. To make her day more stressful, the street I took crosstown, which is usually a good-luck street for me, was brutally bad luck and took a long time to get across. I felt bad, but when we got to her place, the cable guy was outside and they met up immediately. Things like that make me feel better about coming to work, because it's possible that another cab wouldn't have been there to pick her up.
Later on in the night, I was being flagged down by this lady who changed her mind when I pulled up, apparently disliking my SUV-cab. So screw her. I picked up a guy directly across the street going to Washington Square Park, who was about my age and was a great ride. We made fun of some things, talked about this blog, and before you know it, he was already there.
My funniest moment of the night, however, was when I picked up a Chinese guy (in an Italian suit) on Park Ave. He had a piece of paper with the address he was going to that he gave me. I nodded and started to drive. Now, if you've ever been in my cab, you know I always try to start a conversation, and then see if you are interested in talking or not. Well, I said, "How's your day?" Nothing. So I looked at him and said, "English?" he said, and I quote, "HELLO KITTY!" I said, "What?" and he opened his bag and pulled out his kids (I assume) school folder with the Hello Kitty cartoon on it. He pointed at it and in a fun way said again, "HELLO! KITTY!" and we laughed. Apparently that's the only English he knows. 2 words. And yet we still laughed. Nice guy. Too bad he'll never see this blog.
Wednesday, May 7, 2008
Cinco de Mayo
So I worked the night of Cinco de Mayo. I only worked until 2am because I had to get home and take a journey to PA, but that's a different story. I picked up a few tourists travelling to hotels around the Times Square area, a few business humans from Park Ave to random residences in Midtown, and then a nice lady who apparently wanted to get in my car for 2 blocks. Hey, 3 bucks is 3 bucks.
Then this lady jumps into my car at 49th and 10th. A Black woman with a thick African accent. She says "I'm from Nigeria. Take me to union square trains." So ok, off I go. I get about 4 blocks and she says that she has no money. Ok. No problem. Get out of my car. She refuses. She says that it'll be faster for me to take her to union square then it would be for me to kick her out, so I might as well just take her there. Are you kidding me?!?
Now, let me just add this: I've taken people for free before. Not just once, but plenty of times. If they are stuck somewhere and simply tell me the deal, I say sure, no problem. It's only 5 minutes of my time. Some of the people I've taken for free actually take my information and send me 10x the amount later on. One girl who lost her bag and jacket in a club, just this past January, was crying near MSG when I pulled up to her and she told me what had happened. She lived down by Mott and Spring. It was like 10 degrees outside. I told her to hop in, I'll take you for free. No worries. So it's not like I'm some sort of money hungry greedy cabbie.
Anyway, because of the way this lady handled the situation, plus that it's only a 10 minute walk from where I picked her up, on a beautiful 62 degree night, she can go screw herself. So I repeated, "Get the fuck out of my car." To no avail. And I'm not about to physically remove a female from my cab. I can see the amateur photo in the Daily News already. So I continue to drive, but I go right through Times Square. It only takes about 2 minutes to find a cop walking the street, so I rolled down the window, gave the cop a "HEY! YO!" and he walks over. I explain the situation, so HE pulls her out of the car. My meter said $6.20. Now again, I would usually squash the $6 and continue to work. But no. Screw this lady. I demand my money, which she has none. Cops are not too happy with fare jumpers either. The cop asks if I'd sign the affidavit, to which I agree, and in seconds she's in cuffs being arrested! For $6! Now was that worth it? She picked the wrong cabbie today. I mean, why even tell me you have no money? Why don't you just get to union square and run out and right down the subway? Like I'm going to chase you for $8? Not a chance in hell. Sigh. People.
But then I picked up this nice Italian girl going to Forest Hills Queens, who was a pleasure to speak to and who gave a nice tip, even though it was a credit card, but whattaya gonna do. Picked up a LGA customer on the way back, drove some drunk humans around from SOHO and called it a night.
There was one funny moment in my night too. I was hailed by a young couple at Orchard and Stanton (or Rivington?) and when I pulled over for them it happened to be about 2 feet from the corner garbage can, and I had an empty snapple bottle than had been irritating me and needed to be thrown out, so I got out of the cab to toss it. The couple was just standing by my back door expecting me to open it! I was like, the door's open. They go OH! I thought you get out to open the door for us. LOL! I said, "You're lucky I didn't hand YOU the bottle to throw out, let alone open the door for you!" They laughed and got in. They're from Indiana. It's okay. Imagine? Cabbies getting out to open the door for customers? There'd be instant gridlock.
Anyway, all in all a decent income night and enjoyable all around. That's the important part.
Then this lady jumps into my car at 49th and 10th. A Black woman with a thick African accent. She says "I'm from Nigeria. Take me to union square trains." So ok, off I go. I get about 4 blocks and she says that she has no money. Ok. No problem. Get out of my car. She refuses. She says that it'll be faster for me to take her to union square then it would be for me to kick her out, so I might as well just take her there. Are you kidding me?!?
Now, let me just add this: I've taken people for free before. Not just once, but plenty of times. If they are stuck somewhere and simply tell me the deal, I say sure, no problem. It's only 5 minutes of my time. Some of the people I've taken for free actually take my information and send me 10x the amount later on. One girl who lost her bag and jacket in a club, just this past January, was crying near MSG when I pulled up to her and she told me what had happened. She lived down by Mott and Spring. It was like 10 degrees outside. I told her to hop in, I'll take you for free. No worries. So it's not like I'm some sort of money hungry greedy cabbie.
Anyway, because of the way this lady handled the situation, plus that it's only a 10 minute walk from where I picked her up, on a beautiful 62 degree night, she can go screw herself. So I repeated, "Get the fuck out of my car." To no avail. And I'm not about to physically remove a female from my cab. I can see the amateur photo in the Daily News already. So I continue to drive, but I go right through Times Square. It only takes about 2 minutes to find a cop walking the street, so I rolled down the window, gave the cop a "HEY! YO!" and he walks over. I explain the situation, so HE pulls her out of the car. My meter said $6.20. Now again, I would usually squash the $6 and continue to work. But no. Screw this lady. I demand my money, which she has none. Cops are not too happy with fare jumpers either. The cop asks if I'd sign the affidavit, to which I agree, and in seconds she's in cuffs being arrested! For $6! Now was that worth it? She picked the wrong cabbie today. I mean, why even tell me you have no money? Why don't you just get to union square and run out and right down the subway? Like I'm going to chase you for $8? Not a chance in hell. Sigh. People.
But then I picked up this nice Italian girl going to Forest Hills Queens, who was a pleasure to speak to and who gave a nice tip, even though it was a credit card, but whattaya gonna do. Picked up a LGA customer on the way back, drove some drunk humans around from SOHO and called it a night.
There was one funny moment in my night too. I was hailed by a young couple at Orchard and Stanton (or Rivington?) and when I pulled over for them it happened to be about 2 feet from the corner garbage can, and I had an empty snapple bottle than had been irritating me and needed to be thrown out, so I got out of the cab to toss it. The couple was just standing by my back door expecting me to open it! I was like, the door's open. They go OH! I thought you get out to open the door for us. LOL! I said, "You're lucky I didn't hand YOU the bottle to throw out, let alone open the door for you!" They laughed and got in. They're from Indiana. It's okay. Imagine? Cabbies getting out to open the door for customers? There'd be instant gridlock.
Anyway, all in all a decent income night and enjoyable all around. That's the important part.
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