One of my favorites

So tonight I took the night off, so I figure it's time to tell you one of my many favorite stories. I don't even know which category this falls into.
It was a very cold Saturday night and I was cruising down by the meat packing district when a young couple hailed me. Nice looking normal couple. When I picked them up they told me to go to the upper-east side to a bar up there by 96th and 2nd. After driving just a few blocks it was easy to figure out that they weren't actually a couple, rather they had just met that night and were having the normal "getting to know you" conversation. Probably just met in the bar I picked them up from. It's not that unusual, really, seeing as that people trust cab drivers in this city. They feel safe being with a stranger because the cabbie is there too and they're headed from one populated place to another. You know you trust yellow cabbies too! If you're drunk as hell and you stumble into a yellow cab you know that somehow he'll get you home safe and sound. You feel that relief as soon as you get into the cab. Anyway, after a few minutes of talking the girl pulls out some hand lotion. It's cold and her hands are obviously important to her. As she's rubbing it into her hands the guy says, "Ohh! That's the new Yves Rocher! Can I see it?"
Now, being the nice cabbie I am, I don't say anything aloud, but wow. Can you say Metrosexual? So she says sure thing and hands it to him. What happens next isn't predictable. If I could have had 17,876 guesses at the next words to come out of his mouth and the following action I would still be light-years off from what happened. He says, and I quote: "Did you know that this kind is edible?" (I've since checked, and no... it's not.) He pops off the top and starts guzzling it down! I mean, like a friggin madman! There is lotion dripping down the side of his lips and onto his chin! He's making this weird sound like a dog eating peanut butter! I almost puked a little just listening to it and the poor girl looked like she was in complete shock. Not like 'wow' shock but I mean actual MEDICAL SHOCK.
After taking a few, eh, gulps I'll say, of hand lotion, he asks me if I can stop by an ATM before we get uptown. No problem dude! I stopped about 2 blocks away at the very first bank I saw. The second he got out of the car the girl says to me, "Please! Please take me home to Queens right now! Leave that guy right there and get the hell out of here! I promise I'll pay you when I get there!" I didn't even have to think about it. It was an immediate HELL YEAH and I was off. Lotion-mouth was stuck at the ATM. I couldn't care less. That dude freaked me out.
The first 2 or 3 minutes after that the girl was in complete silence. I assume she was just happy that I was taking her home. Then she blurts out, "THAT WAS EXPENSIVE HAND LOTION!! Can you BELIEVE that guy DRANK IT??" And we shared a laugh. Thank god. We both needed to laugh to break the weirdness of the situation. Then she called up all of her friends and was telling them the story: "Really! HE ATE IT! I know it's unbelievable but you can ask my cab driver! I had to call you now so he can tell you! Holy. I'm not dating for 5 years. I'm going home. I'M DONE."
It's not necessarily a funny story but to me it is my #1 most unpredictable event that ever occurred in my cab, and there have been some weird events! I can't even put into words how vomit-inducing the sound of gurgling hand lotion is. I want to vomit just remembering it.

I'll be working the next few days so I'll be getting more material to write about! (I want to say hello to my buddy MOCA! who makes driving a yellow cab even more enjoyable since I hardly have a "fleet headache." A pleasure to deal with. спасибо.)

There are 8 million stories in the naked city. This has been one of them.